Be wary of gaslighting if you start to question yourself a lot
“Maybe at first you don’t believe it, but over time you may come think that maybe she is right,” Stern says. If it’s happening by someone you love and care about (like a spouse or parent), you’re going to WANT to believe the other person - and the gaslighter may use that against you, explains Darlene Lancer, JD, MFT, a marriage and family practice therapist in private practice and author of "Codependency for Dummies and Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You." The manipulator holds enough power that “the target of the gaslighting is terrified to change up or step out of the gaslighting dynamic because the threat of losing that relationship - or the threat of being seen as less than who you want to be seen as to them - is quite a threat,” she says There usually tends to be a power dynamic when gaslighting happens, Stern explains. Gaslighting usually happens in a power dynamic, but it’s not always intentional or malicious
No matter whether it’s happening in a marriage, between a leader and his or her constituency or elsewhere, it’s important to be aware of the red flags that you (or someone you know) might be a victim - which is the first step to getting out of the abusive situation. There are several examples of gaslighting being done by President Donald Trump and his administration, Stern notes. Gaslighting happens in personal relationships (think an abusive spouse or, in rarer cases, parent), in professional relationships (a manipulative boss or coworker preying on a subordinate), and even by public figures.
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